amergina

The birds outside my bedroom window chatter in the hedge every morning. I've been leaving the windows open at night, as the nights have turned cool, so I hear them more than normal. But these are not the sparrows and finches of the summer, but other birds migrating south, stopping in my yard to feast of the berries in the hedge before moving on.

The leaves of my oak turn from green to brown and acorns fall against the roof, the loud thuds startling me when I lie in my bed.

I love autumn, but it is a time of changes for me. It leaves me unsettled, waiting for the deep sleep of winter when there is calm before the frantic spring and its rains and flowers.

Autumn in my youth brought school, new classes, new students, an end to the lazy summer of swimming and sleeping. It brought leaf piles and pumpkin pie, but meant the end to picnics and trips to the beach.

As I grew older, Autumn brought death. I lost my grandfather in autumn. My grandmother, too, many years later. A friend's unexpected death came this time of year. Another person beloved by many of my friends passed just a week ago. I've said too many tearful goodbyes when the leaves are gold and red.

But I bought my house when the days shortened and the sun turned golden in the afternoons. I said a glorious hello to my very first niece last year when the winds brought cold from the north. I returned to my faith after years with my back turned away on a cool brilliant Saturday afternoon that smelled of crisp wood smoke and pine. Hello, hello, hello, my beloved.

I plant bulbs every fall into the cooling, dormant earth in hopes that I will see them in spring. I bring in my potted plants to nurse them through the winter. This year, I have a lemon to pick, a final taste of the sunlight to savor as the days grow short. In a few weeks, I'll watch the plants die when the frost comes, clean up my plant beds and put them to sleep for the winter. Then I will wait for that sleep, those cold days of tea and snow.

It's autumn, and the leaves are changing color. Goodbye. Hello. I will see you again.

This was last week's